Breathing and Beating: It's Always 100-100

CF and a social life? Yes, it is possible. Many persons with CF, young and old, find it hard to share certain aspects of their CF life with others. That first friend you made in pre-school up to someone you consider marrying one day—we all fear that they might judge us in some way because we are just a little bit different. Having a social life with CF involves taking risks, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and being honest with yourself and people you care about. I have found that I embraced my “difference” and this allowed me to make lasting friendships and grow relationships with confidence.

I believe that the most important thing to remember when hanging out with friends, co-workers, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. is that you are focusing on those people. For however long you spend time with them, you are focusing on them, not on CF. Yes, sometimes you might have to step aside and cough or take a moment to pop in a few pills, and this might bring up the discussion of what you deal with. However, focusing on other people instead of what’s going on with me has been a real health booster. When I go out with a big group, I am so focused on what they have to say and what is happening around me that I am able to let go of all the CF-related thoughts I have in my day. I’d much rather focus on my best friend’s new boyfriend drama than thinking about why I had crazy stomach pains that morning.

I also believe in the power of being honest. In college, I would do my daily routine of getting up at 5am to workout, banging around the weights in my room, and then proceed to turn on my Nebulizer machine around 6:15am, all the while making plenty of noise. When questioned about it, I was honest and said: “I have to do this every day because I need to take care of myself. If I don’t work out and do treatments, I get sick.” Some roommates accepted this and some probably pretended to, but either way no one had a mean word to say about all the morning raucous. I stated the facts and they were accepted.

Some people will accept who you are and some will not. I guarantee you this fact holds true for anyone with or without a chronic illness. So, do not sweat it! When you feel like it is the right time to share that you have CF with someone, keep it short and sweet. From there, if they want to hear more, they will ask questions. I always start with the kindergarten version: “I have sticky mucus (like the kind you find in your nose) that clogs up my lungs, pancreas, and other organs.”

I believe in the old saying “you cannot love someone unless you love yourself.” This is the truest rule in the book when it comes to keeping friendships/relationships. I had one year in college where I went through an epiphany, realizing that I have so much more to offer the world than I was currently giving. That was the year I really started to absolutely love myself, all flaws included. I wanted to try everything from then on out--I started the first St. Joseph’s University running club, ran a half marathon, joined a sorority, became a Resident Assistant in a freshman dorm, I went to Scotland to visit my best friend on spring break….anything I could do that felt new and made me feel alive. Doing all of this made me feel confident in myself and excited in the fact that CF did not stop me from doing any of it. When you can look back on moments in your life so far, whether tiny or huge, and say “that was a day I did not let CF get in my way”, then you know you have accomplished something. Whenever I become insecure around a new group of people, for whatever reason, I go through my checklist of hurdles I’ve conquered over my lifetime. Instant confidence from there.

Keep your friends and significant others close to you. Every time you have a lunch date with an old friend, tell them how incredible they look or what you love about them. When your significant other takes you out on a fun date, tell them how much you appreciate them and what makes them important to you. I learned from a very wise person: Show love, receive it back—that is the way it works. The effort has to be both ways for any relationship to work—it’s always 100-100.

B&B,

Meghan